Autism Behavior Support
“Behavior is Communication”
January 25, 2025
As an autistic therapist who frequently observes and advises parents and teachers in their support of autistic children, I often encounter questions related to behavior management for autistic children.
In my experience, I have found the expression "Behavior is Communication” to be incredibly true. When I have seen dysregulation, or what is often referred to as challenging behavior or “unexpected behavior,” it has been an indication of some kind of distress, discomfort, or unmet need.
When we meet the underlying need, the outward behavior tends to change in a sustainable way.
Because autistic behavior is often misunderstood, signals of discomfort, distress, or overwhelm in autistic children can be frequently mislabeled as “problem behaviors” that need to be changed.
I have found that when we understand the cause of distress or discomfort, and make the needed adjustments and accommodations, behavior tends to change in a sustainable way.
So instead of asking the question: “How can we change this behavior?”
I invite you to ask instead: “What is this behavior trying to tell us?”
Throw out the sticker charts: Non-Behaviorist Behavior Support
“Traditional” advice for working with autistic children often suggests using behavioral reinforcements like sticker charts, time-outs, praise, rewards, and token economies to shape behavior.
In my overwhelming experience as a clinician and parent, I have found that these approaches can not only be unhelpful, but can increase distress and dysregulation in autistic children. This can lead to confusion, stress, and frustration in parents, teachers and caregivers who are simply trying to do their best, feeling lost, and wondering what they should do.
The challenge with attempting to shape outward behavior is that our outward behavior is a reflection of our internal state.
It is not possible to punish someone out of one state, or praise them into another.
What behaviorist approaches often do is incentivize masking so that the child learns to hide their signs of distress or discomfort in exchange for approval, praise or reward. Meanwhile, the distress is quietly and invisibly building, only to create a bigger explosion of dysregulation, distress or meltdown later. Behaviorist approaches often just kick the can down the road.
With Genuine Insight and Understanding, We Can Provide Authentic Support
As an autistic therapist, working with parents and teachers who support autistic children, my mission is to serve as a sort of translator of autistic communication, to provide insight into the experience and needs of the autistic child who may be struggling, and to provide compassionate support to caregivers as they learn and grow along the way.
How I work…
I speak with parents and teachers to gain background information on the child, their strengths, and current needs and challenges across the home and school settings.
Sometimes I conduct observations to provide insight into any struggles, challenges, or unmet needs that may be present.
In my experience with many clients past and present, as we have built true understanding of the autistic child, met unmet needs and increased comfort and trust, we have seen not only an improvement in self-regulation, but an increased and improved sense of connection between the child and caregiver adult.